Through no choice of my own, the theme of my summer has become 'appreciating the struggle.' I first became aware of this concept listening to Peter Brunn discuss allowing students to struggle with a concept so that they are able to construct their own understanding. This was a light bulb moment for me...I've always viewed struggle as a negative. Seriously....who wants to struggle? But it is so true. Things we are told, we may remember and we may apply them to our lives in some way, but it's the things we struggle with that change us and help us to grow. As the summer has gone on, this theme of struggle and growth has also popped up in discussions with close friends who are going through divorce and infertility. Both of these issues breed struggle....but I am fortunate enough to also witness growth in both of these beautiful friends and it is inspiring. I am currently reading the book, Plan B and am involved in a book study at church. This concept of struggle was part of our discussion on sustaining faith. I think God sometimes allows us to struggle so that we learn to lean on Him, grow closer to Him and realize what really matters in this world. What an important lesson. Our sunday school lesson yesterday also addressed this concept with Job. Wow...he struggled! But he never lost his faith and was rewarded for it.
All of these discussions and thoughts have lead me to reflect on my personal struggles....there are a few. :) Adoption is a blessing, but also a huge struggle. Especially when you are adopting a seven year old little girl who loves and misses her birth mom. She knows nothing about the situations which lead to her mom losing custody (that will all be for a much older, sweet girl to understand) and she naturally loves her. She loves us too and she is so happy. We want her to love her mom. But, for me, this has been a struggle. I have had to control myself and have learned things about myself and have grown (and hopefully will continue to do so) through this internal struggle I have with her feelings for her mom. I can't explain it. It's irrational. I know she loves her....I want her to love her....I care about birth mom too. But sometimes I am done with it. I want her to be out of the picture. I want us to have our family and that's it....be "normal." But, I whine to my mom and my husband here and there and keep this to myself. It is getting easier. This is the life God has chosen for us, this is the way it is. No one person belongs to another....we all belong to God. I have to continue to pray, hand it over to God and remember that I am doing what He wants me to do and enjoy each day and each blessing for what it is and not what I wish it was or what I had planned it to be. God knows so much better than I do. And, I do give him thanks and praise for all of that I am blessed with, for His love and for the miracles he gives us daily. Struggle=growth!